It's been a while since a real  update. The reason for this isn't just pure laziness, although that does factor into it. The biggest reason is that the last few weeks have been extremely busy, and particularly sucky. I'll elaborate.

June 12th, Wes and I had made an appointment to have breakfast and file the divorce papers. About five minutes before I was going to run out the door for that, I got a call from my father. My (step)brother, Jeff, was dying. I called Wes to cancel and rushed up to Veazie. Sure enough, he was. I walked in the door and down the hall. My dad was crying. He said, "He's gasping like Grampy did," which means, in medical terms, he was Cheyne-Stoking. It's kind of a gasping-then-not-breathing thing that dying people do. I tried to assure him that he wouldn't do it as long as Grampy did. Grampy held on like that for three days. Generally, extremely aggressive lung cancer with so many tumors in the brain that the doctors can't count them kills faster than sepsis from pneumonia.

As that day wore on into that evening, and the evening wore on into the night, and we were giving him more and more morphine (20mg every 30 minutes at least), I started to wonder if I had lied to my daddy.

I took the lion's share of the night shift. I did get a couple hours of rest (I wouldn't even call it sleep, partially thanks to the kid who decided that 4 am was a great time to play solo basketball) while my stepmother stayed with him. Later that morning, I decided I needed a break from waiting for death. I left to go feed my kitties and get my hair highlighted like I was planning on. Just after the girl put the dye in my hair, I got the call that he had passed away. The rest of the afternoon was filled with calls to hospice, then getting him picked up by the funeral home, and making other arrangements.

After I left my dad's, I went to work because Tiffany said she wanted to see my hair. Without going into details, I walked into a bombshell of two labors, imminent delivery, complications, DHS and a dead baby. I got roped into feeding and holding a baby for 45 minutes, which was okay by me. After I left there, I went to Bucksport to get horse poop and to sing like a madwoman while driving. That's very therapeutic for me.

Sunday was much better. I got up early to drive to Boston. My friend Andy was having a barbeque and had invited me earlier in the week. I had originally said no, because I didn't want to be that far away in case something happened to Jeff. Very shortly after he died, I called Andy and asked if I could change my mind.

About an hour out of Boston, I started to get nervous. It occurred to me only then that I only knew one person who would be there, and it was Andy, and he was hosting, so it's not like I could monopolize his time. Luckily, I only had to cling to Andy for about the first 15 minutes. After that, this tall, skinny, shiney man with rainbow hair came over, gave me this HUGE hug and said, "Hi! I'm Ben!" It was at that point that I knew I'd made a new friend. Ben and I sat and talked for the rest of the afternoon, with lots of other shiney people occasionally joining our conversation. It was a great time among like-minded adults who weren't my family and didn't require anything serious of me. It was exactly what I needed.

Sunday night I spent with my friend Michelle in Boston (the one Pierre and I went to visit). We talked and ate and hung out and played with sparklers and stayed up way past our bedtimes. Early the next morning, it was time to get up and drive back to Maine.

Skip ahead to Wednesday. Gabe had a reevaluation with CDS, the people that do his speech and developmental therapies. Both were recommended to continue. It was also recommended that we do a whole-day testing thing to tailor a program to fit his needs, and possibly to find a reason for the developmental delay. Autism was mentioned as a possible reason. After the eval, I called Wes to discuss things. He informed me at that time that he has a strong family history of autism on both sides of his family. Thanks. That would have been nice to know three and a half years ago.

Thursday, I drop Gabe off with Wes. A couple hours later, I get a call from Wes asking why Gabe is throwing up. ::shrugs:: How should I know? He was fine when I dropped him off with you. He kept throwing up. And then he added diarrhea. And then he didn't pee for almost 24 hours. Friday earned him a trip to the ER for IV fluids and Zofran to stop the puking. It worked and he looked like a new boy.

Saturday came. The fluids and Zofran stopped working. He started throwing up again. More diarrhea. Lots of fun. So another trip to the ER for us. Another IV, a catheter to test his urine, more fluids, more drugs, and finally an admission to the hospital for dehydration and nausea control. There he stayed until Sunday evening, when he was not throwing up and didn't have anything left to poop and he was eating food and drinking fluids.

He's been better since then. Our last vomit was Monday, and we only had one. No diarrhea for 48 hours now. We went to see his regular doctor today, just to follow up. While I was there, I figured we could talk about the evaluation at CDS too. Dr. Anderson agreed with the day-long testing thing and said he'd set that up. He also confirmed what I've been thinking more and more often in the last few weeks, which is that Gabe does show signs of autism. He stressed that those could also be signs of something else, but it might be consistent with something on the autism spectrum.

So that's where we are right now. I'm getting less stressed, but the possibility of autism is really getting me down. It's been my biggest fear since conception, and now it might be a reality. I guess we'll have to wait and see what the testing shows.

But, on the upside, in 15 days I'm on a plane to Alabama for the weekend. That will be so great.

Wes and I met today. Much discussion occurred about the division of marital assets, which are blessedly few. Much discussion also occurred about Gabe, custody, residency, and all matters relating to that.

I was really hoping that we'd get the vast majority of everything nailed down today. That didn't happen. We are both considering things that were said, requests that were made, suggestions that were laid down. We'll talk again on Tuesday when Wes drops Gabe off with me.

Unfortunately, I think that's all there is to say, really. I'll know more on Tuesday. Sorry for two short posts in a row, but I'm feeling rather not myself lately.

Well, I think I'm growing a little tired of all this bull puckey. So, I'm going to take this opportunity to talk about...something else!!!

How's my garden, you ask? Why, it's quite lovely, for not having any plants in it. Last frost date in Maine (at least in my zone) is about the middle of May, so I don't dare plant anything outside until then. But I'm getting my beds ready and have plans for raised beds this year. To do what I want to do, I need about 230 feet of lumber for all my beds. That's an assload of wood, and we'll see how much it's going to cost. It might not all get done this year. I'm also getting a 50/50 compost-top soil mix from a local composter to fill all my raised beds. That'll cost about $160, but it's a one-time thing. I'll never have to fill these beds again. I'm really looking forward to getting the lumber, building my beds (yay for power tools!) and filling them. I'll feel so accomplished just with that. To hell with the plants, I say! I'll just build boxes of dirt!

Today was spent in the sunshine and the 77 degree weather finishing bed prep. I can't do anything else until I get lumber. I might go and talk to some lumber guys today. We'll see. I also have to make at least two trips to the dump since I can't make my husband do it in one trip anymore. And I have to go to Job Lots and get that dense shade grass seed, and go to Aubuchon and get a bale of straw to put on top of the grass seed, and spread the seed and the straw and water the whole bit. That on top of taking care of my kid and eventually doing something about supper. I might just be lazy and have supper be leftover pizza.

I like cake. Cake is good. I don't have any cake, but I do have cookie dough. Maybe I'll bake some cookies after supper. That sounds like a good plan. Gabe can say cake. And what's even worse is he knows what it is.

Gabe can also say potty. And poop! And he'll willingly sit on the potty. I'm hoping that's bringing us one step closer to potty training. Yay for someday no more diapers!!!!

My grampy's birthday is Thursday. He'd be 87, if he wasn't dead. Maybe I'll wear his hat to work on Thursday. Probably not.

My cat is standing on my shoulder looking for something to suck. Apparently the spaghetti straps on my tank top aren't enough to suck on. He knows better than to suck on my bare skin. Moderately good kitty.

I took a shower this morning, but you probably wouldn't know it to look at me. Or to smell me. At least the glass is out of my foot.

I think Gabe and I will go to Mosman park today and play in the ocean. It's a great day to do something like that. I'll have to get muck boots for me before we go, though. I guess that adds a stop at Reny's onto my to-do list. Frig a damn, it keeps getting longer.

My mind doesn't really work right now. That's what happens when you've been up since 4 am.